Tuesday, October 31, 2006
A Life Almost Ordinary
Today, it snowed in Helsinki.
And my attitude from 2 years ago to now has been a complete turn-around. From being overly excited about seeing Helsinki blissfully covered in snow, I have become someone who sees the falling snow as something ordinary.
The good thing is I am aware of my lack of gratitude. There are only so few people who can ever experience winter as I do and yet, I cannot bring myself to appreciate it, just because the initial excitement has passed. So, I choose to change my attitude right here, right now. Life's magic can only be seen by those who constantly believe in it. :)
Spank me if I don't (change my attitude). :)
Monday, October 30, 2006
Lemonade Buddy
One of the best things about being an MCP, is that you find friends from countries so starkingly different from your own and yet, you find so many things in common. I know for a fact, that once my term ends, I will always have these people to count on.
One such buddy is Aine from Ireland. :)
There are so many ways to describe my friendship with Aine. But, I guess, the best way to put "us" into words is that we are "lemonade buddies." :) We coined the term one day when I was a bit morose. And as any normal human being these days do, whenever they feel a bit sad, they change their MSN nickname into something that reflects what they feel. So at that point, my MSN nick was "Lemonades for Sale," very wittingly derived from that old saying, "When life gives you lemons, make lemonades." As soon as I logged in, Aine said, "I want to buy one!"
From that point on, I saw my friendship with her on a different level. She became a person whom I can instantly message my highs and lows to. Surprisingly, she always finds the energy to be there for me. Even in her most busy moments, she does not shoo me away. Instead, she patiently waits for me to end my monologue and caps it with a nice phrase or a nice emoticon. :)
She is truly a great friend. One that everyone seems to love. She is generous, funny and very thoughtful. For example,none of her friends escape from receiving pictures from Aine after a conference is over. :) I know it's a simple gesture, but who among us really do that? Not too many, right?
As a fellow MCP though, I have nothing but great respect for her. She is one hell of a hardworking lady who dedicates so much of herself for the country and the people she believes in. She has openly accepted the challenge to lead Ireland, knowing fully well that it might not be the easiest of roads to take. I can only imagine how much litany of emotions she feels on a daily basis. And yet, she continues to walk on, believing that she can make a difference.
The good thing is she does make a difference. She makes a difference because she sets a sterling example of what passion, dedication and optimism is all about. Whenever she enocunters challenges, she faces them head on and does her best to move forward. :)
Aine is one of this term's greatest gifts to me. I know for sure that the chats we have had every so often has given me the extra boost I needed. She is supportive without being overbearing. She is sweet without being pretentious.
To Aine, I hope that even when the most sour lemons are being thrown at us, we can still continue making those lemonades together. :) Hugs from Finland!
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
If the Shoe Fits
I just came home from watching In Her Shoes with my mentor today. The movie was quite a revelation. I expected a sappy, weird comedy but it turned out to be one of the best movies I have ever seen.
In one of the scenes, Toni Collette explained why she bought shoes whenever she needed to treat herself. She said that she does not buy clothes because normally, they don't fit as nicely as in the mannequins. However, shoes always fit! :)
In a way, the relationships I choose are those that fit. Keeping friendships is almost like shopping. I get a lot of options but I settle for those that are either extremely fashionable or those that feel and look perfect. Often, those that I bought as attempts to be more glamorous are never worn or even chucked out. But those that I bought because they seemed to match my personality has always had space in my luggage or in my closet.
Following the same logic, I know that Eve is one of those people that just naturally fit in my heavily doodled social life. :)
Erica and Eve while watching fireworks in August 2005
Eve is one of my non-AIESEC friends in Finland. What bonds us together are our love for watching movies. We are movie addicts. In a way, that is how her friendship comforts me. Any day that I need movie therapy, I can count on Eve to accompany me. :)
Eve is also amazingly generous. Until now, I have her luggage that she lent me for Poland (which I will return very, very soon). Though it was brand new, she never hesitated to lend it to me. :) In general, she rarely asks for anything in return. She just always seem to have that understanding heart for me which, I seriously don't have a clue how it can be possible. My biggest bet is that it is in her nature to be so loving. :)
Eve also saw me through my most insane adventures. She was always ready to listen to me even though most of the time I speak nonsense. Just thinking about how I bothered her with my boy misadventures makes me laugh out loud. :)
I am more than glad that Eve is my friend. She has been there for me in so many ways. It is in watching movies with her that I have come to senses during some of my most trying moments in Finland. It is also in her company that I have chosen to spend my most giggly periods. :)
Eve just fits and I could not ask for any better fit. :)
To Eve, thank you for everything. Here is to more movies! :)
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
Alda Scmalda
As I rode home on the bus today, I had a sudden revelatory moment of belief and disbelief. I realized that I was living and unliving the dreams I have purposefully fixated on as a kid. Yes, I was living independently. Yes, I am in Europe. But I no, I don't have a glamorous life. And no, I am not in the middle of a rising career or peddling my business.
My life at the moment is what both dreams and reality are made of. I am neither unfortunate nor have I gotten all the things I used to dream so lucidly about. But I don't consider myself a failure. Rather, I consider myself a winner -- one who is still waiting to realize what the prize is for.
During days like this, when so many thoughts run through my overly-worked mind, I realize that as I grow up, my dreams also grow up with me. From simple though sometimes silly ambitions, I have webbed myself into complex yet fairly achievable personal visions.
How I have come to this point, I don't know. I do know that in every dream made, in every wish uttered and in every plan laid out, there are people in my life who seem to just patiently wait until I figure out the next step. One such person is my cousin Alda.
Alda and I share a lot of childhood memories. Both of us ventured into almost the same things -- swimming, ice skating, tennis lessons and drum lessons. Albeit, I almost failed in excelling in those things, Alda did not. She was more the sporty type while I was more the "I would rather bum at home type."
Alda and I were almost inseparable when I was 9. We went to do so many things together and played so many games together. It did help a lot that we were also neighbors!
As in any childhood friendships though, there was a need to also grow up separately and we did just that. But the separation, the physical distance, always seem to fade whenever we catch up and talk about stuff that I thought we would never talk about -- boys, relationships and families.
Alda is one of those people capable of listening to me. She is one of those patiently trying to understand what goes on in my head or in my heart. She is one of those who always seemed to have that blind faith that I can do anything I set my heart to do. Some people call that kind of support a family necessity, I call that loyalty.
Alda and I have always shared the same zest for achieving some level of business success. We even had our own company called AMELEC, which we had specially printed business cards for. :) It is a shame that we never did pursue any kind of business ventures, I am pretty sure if we did, we would both be 4x richer than what we are now. We are simply a good combination. :)
I am thankful that Alda is part of my life. I feel lucky that I have someone who is as supportive as she is with what I do and who I am, although 75% of the time, she has no idea what goes in my head. :)
I could only wish that a person so indescribably accepting as Alda will achieve whatever it is her heart has set out for. After all, she deserves it. :)
Monday, October 23, 2006
The Quiz and Me
Annika, Janne and I were discussing that at certain points in one's life, you get addicted to taking those online quizzes that either: (a) reaffirms what you think your personality is, (b)helps "enlighten" you on what you should be doing in your life or (c) gives you positive feedback on how you are as a person.
Of course, after talking about such quizzes, we could not resist but to once again take those darn quizzes for fun. After around 30 minutes of quizzing, I found out I am 40% messiah and that Janne has a 7% chance of dying because of alien abduction. :)
However, afterwards, I immediately thought about how stupid it is that people need to get those reaffirmations from quizzes which basically give you 4 weird options to choose from most of the time. Why is it so hard for us to sometimes devote some time out of our own personal battles to help others with theirs? Is this what human nature really is about? Hmm, I wonder.
Friday, October 20, 2006
Evil Me Not
I have always thought I was evil. I always seem to categorize myself as a non-nice person because of my directness and honesty with the people I deal with. Sure, I am very understanding and grateful most of the time. BUT, when I don't like a person, I really do not bother. Although, as I said before, it takes special talent to annoy me, still, I could be more understanding. That was the reason why, even though I believed in God, I never asked for much thinking I did not deserve to get what I hoped for.
But last Thursday, I prayed about something and I got it in bits and pieces. Of course, whenever I do pray it's not like I pray for a car or a million dollars. It is more transcendent than that.
To bottomline this story, I realized that maybe I am not evil after all. That maybe someone up there actually sees the good in me. :)
Funny how we always seem to put ourselves down.
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
Home is Where...
...My luggage is.
For the past three years, I have lived in almost 8 flats. While the excitement of moving never really wears off, the novelty of being transient does.
These days, I am seeking more and more permanence in my life and seeking less and less new adventures. I am finally having that itch to start and continue building rather than to build up or build down something new all the time.
And as I progress in defining my "permanence" I have come to realize the need to build on my relationship with one person who has been a fixture in my life for the last three years -- Saara.
Me, Kim and Saara during Midsummer 2005
Saara was my first LCP. :) She was one of the excited people who greeted me at the airport when I first arrived in Helsinki. Right there and then, after seeing her, Nhu Thuy, Maarit and Andrigo at the airport with that small yet very cute welcome sign, I knew I was in good hands.
I don't think I have ever met anyone more supportive than her. She has been amazingly genuine in the way she has seen me through my awkward days as a trainee to my Director days and now as an MCP.
Commendably, Saara is also one of the most hardworking, results-driven people I know. Yet, she does not feel the need to brag about those that she has achieved.
I don't think I have ever really shown my appreciation to Saara as much as I should. I know that my life would have been a lot more complicated if not for her willingness to help me through tough questions during my first MC application to helping me set up mentoring meetings to supporting Finland with IBE implementation. In more ways than she can ever imagine, she has helped me look good in front of the people. Hehe. :)
It was a true blessing that she was one of the people I met in Finland. I know that I counted on her (and her team) a lot and I also know that I will continue counting on her.
To Saara, my (first) LCP, thank you. :)
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
The Comfortables
For those of you who visit my blog on a daily basis, my having not written anything for the past three days might have sent that "her blogging phase has passed" signals in your heads.
Well, not really. I did not blog because I felt I had no reason to. Thankfully though, before I booked myself into that overly-crowded hotel called "Self-Pity," something happened -- I ate an ice cream Sundae.
And what did that bring me aside from empty calories? Well, it brought me a feeling of familiarity and an odd sense of comfort. It reminded me of all the days when I was feeling down and out and all it took was that one sundae to help me settle my emotions. I suppose you can call ice cream sundae my comfort food.
And as sundaes are my comfort food, Leah is my comfort friend. :)
Leah and I met back in 1998 when we were both freshmen in college. We did not really have anything in common except for our love for Surplus Shop clothes, Ally McBeal and Psychology 101. :) For some strange reason though, there came a point where we just could not pass by a week without long phone conversations where we usually ended up talking without the other one listening. It's like I said one sentence on Japan and her reply would be about Manila's traffic. :) Maybe that is why we eventually became very good friends, we became each other's soundboard and eventually, we had a knack for having real conversations as well. Haha. :)
Leah has been one of my most supportive friends back then. She saw me through changing my major (which is a big deal in the Philippines since it is tabboo to not graduate on time), insecurities on almost anything, family issues, business ideas, several elections and "obssessions" with two boys. :)
Lately, I have been not giving our friendship the priority it deserves. I have been so caught up with insanely unnecessary things, that I have almost forgot how much Leah's friendship means to me. And it is kind of stupid of me to remember only when circumstances force me to. :(
But how I wish Leah were close by now though. I could certainly use some comfort friendship. After all, Leah was there for me through the roughest patches and have comforted me in ways only she can do.
Leah, I really miss you and I hope to see you very soon. :)
Saturday, October 14, 2006
In between Knowing and Discovering
I love watching movies.
Ironically, I watch movies as a form of escape and yet after every movie, I always find a piece of myself from the movie.
A movie that I revisited recently was Good Will Hunting. I don't want to dichotomize the movie here. This is not a review. But I what I would like to share to you is a line from the movie that spoke to me. It represented two parts of me: Erica at 17 who thought she knew everything and Erica at 25 who has come to understand Socrates' famous quote: "I know I do not know."
This morning for example, I was wondering about the ironies of my own behavior. I claim to be living life to the fullest and yet, I calculate every small purchase make. Sure, I am being practical and I am grateful that I am. But is my being practical hindering my enjoyment? I don't know.
There are things that I know yet I don't know. I know about poverty in Africa but have never been there. I know about global warming but am not really doing anything to change my own behavior. I know about the sanctity of marriage, but have never been in an unhappy marriage.
But I am not bothered that I don't know a lot of things. Living a life of discovery is better than living a life in arrogance. I am grateful that this early on in life, I know this. :)
As for the quote, well, read it and see if it speaks to you. If it does, then we have something in common. :)
Robin Williams as Sean speaking to Matt Damon as Will:
"So if I asked you about art, you'd probably give me the skinny on every art book ever written. Michelangelo, you know a lot about him. Life's work, political aspirations, him and the pope, sexual orientations, the whole works, right? But I'll bet you can't tell me what it smells like in the Sistine Chapel. You've never actually stood there and looked up at that beautiful ceiling, seen that."
"If I ask you about women, you'd probably give me a syllabus about your personal favorites. You may have even been laid a few times. But you can't tell me what it feels like to wake up next to a woman and feel truly happy."
"You're a tough kid. And I'd ask you about war, you'd probably throw Shakespeare at me, right, 'once more unto the breach dear friends.' But you've never been near one. You've never held your best friend's head in your lap, watch him gasp his last breath looking to you for help."
"I'd ask you about love, you'd probably quote me a sonnet. But you've never looked at a woman and been totally vulnerable. Known someone that could level you with her eyes, feeling like God put an angel on earth just for you. Who could rescue you from the depths of hell. And you wouldn't know what it's like to be her angel, to have that love for her, be there forever, through anything, through cancer. And you wouldn't know about sleeping sitting up in the hospital room for two months, holding her hand, because the doctors could see in your eyes, that the terms 'visiting hours' don't apply to you."
"You don't know about real loss, 'cause it only occurs when you've loved something more than you love yourself. And I doubt you've ever dared to love anybody that much. And look at you... I don't see an intelligent, confident man... I see a cocky, scared shitless kid. But you're a genius Will. No one denies that. No one could possibly understand the depths of you. But you presume to know everything about me because you saw a painting of mine, and you ripped my fucking life apart. You're an orphan right?"
Thursday, October 12, 2006
Wonderful Ilkka
While walking home from work the other day, Jani, Annika and I saw a rainbow. I asked Jani, the walking encyclopedia, why rainbows were shaped like that. He told me something about the earth being round and that the rainbow actually takes the shape of the earth.
At the risk of sounding like I am once again writing a paper for Philosophy of the Human Being (which was my best Philosophy course because I seriously sucked in Philosophy of God and Philosophy of Morality), having that element of wonder really comes at the most surprising moments. Most often than not, when I do wonder, I don't get any answers but I am led to more questions.
Ilkka while having a picnic in Esplanadi in 2005
At this very moment, what really baffles me is what I did right to deserve such a good friend as Ilkka. I would like to think that I did him right, but recalling our moments of friendship for the last 3 years, it has always been him (and Jukka) making sure that I was okay and not the other way around. Sure, we do have a lot of laughs and spend a considerable amount of time kidding each other. Still, I don't know if those warrant the concern he has shown me (especially over the last year).
I can share many instances when Ilkka has done something nice just to make sure I wasn't sad or burned out. The latest example being the nice Brazilian steak dinner that he (and some good friends) shared with me a few weeks back. :)
His generosity to me is also extended in work. Two examples I can readily think off was that he spent much energy transferring SMS and that once, he asked his boss for a sponsorhip just so he can help out. :)
What is great about Ilkka is that he asks for nothing in return. Mind you, his kindness is not limited to me but is VERY MUCH extended to the people around him. He genuinely thinks of other's happiness and never has second thoughts about helping his friends. :)
I am lucky to have Ilkka around. There were days when I felt lonely and homesick, but I always knew that all it took was one sentence on MSN. After which, I would be off to yet another great party hosted by Ilkka. :)
Thank you Ilkka! You have made and will continue to make my stay in Finland happier and fun. :)
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
Monica and Rachel?
Ever since last Tuesday, I have been obsessively watching reruns of Friends. Although I have seen those episodes at least once, their antics and punchlines never fail to make me laugh. Beyond all the jokes though, I think the reason why I like rewatching it is because watching it is almost like putting on a comfortable, old shirt. It just brings me the familiarity and the comfort I need.
I have been told that I am a bit similar to Monica. If that were the case, then my Rachel would be May. :)
May was one of my closest friends in High School. Oh, just recalling the hours we spent on the phone to talk about everything and nothing at the same time makes me smile. I recall all the days I went to her place so we can catch cheesy Filipino films. There were also attempts at baking, making diet plans, singing Spice Girls and Oasis songs and planning our college applications together. And what would High School be like without taking those sticker photos at the mall? :)
We also did a lot of studying together. I recall those nights that I needed to go to her place just so I can photocopy notes and get some pointers for our exams. :)
May and I, though belonging to different cliques, shared a lot of similar friends. I know for one that I hung out with her friends after school hours when we were all just waiting for our rides home. We also had similar ways of thinking. Both of us wanted to be lawyers. As fate would have it though, she would go on and pursue that dream and I would realize that becoming a lawyer is not exactly for me. :)
May and I have not talked in ages. I did receive a message from her lately and that message triggered so many happy thoughts in me. :) Like Monica and Rachel, though we may have been separated by time, I know that when we meet again, it would be like we never lost touch.:)
To May, I'll be there for you, 'cause you're there for me too! :)
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
Goodbye Donna
At our age, whenever you ask for updates on the goings-on in people's lives, you usually get one of six answers:
- S/he is getting married
- S/he broke up with someone and is dating someone else
- S/he got promoted or got a new job
- S/he is busy finishing her Masters or what-have-you
- S/he is having a baby
- S/he moved to another country
Imagine my shock when I found out that, Donna, one of my friends from college died.
I cannot really claim that Donna was one of my closest friends. Our friendship was more of a very good side benefit from being friends with Nona, Tiff and Roceli. It is really sad that just as our relationship was about to take off during our senior year, we graduated and parted ways. Of course, there were occasional Friendster page visits, but still we did not really communicate much.
However, I knew enough of her to know that she brought sunshine to the people around her. Donna was a sweetheart. She was very welcoming. She never let anyone around her feel alienated. She always had a warm smile for everyone. She was bubbly, funny and very friendly. She was always full of zest and spunk. She was genuinely nice and supportive to people around her. No wonder so many people were drawn to her. :)
Her death came so suddenly. One day she experienced a headache. The next week she was diagnosed with brain cancer. The next week she had seizures and fell into a coma. The next week she passed on.
Donna's life was short but it was not wasted. Though the moments I spent with her never went beyond the usual chit-chat, I know that her close friends cherised her. Roceli and Nona for one never said one bad thing about her. They just loved her to pieces. :)
To Donna - a person loved by many - I am sure that heaven is a sunnier place because of you. :)
Sunday, October 08, 2006
Weekend Breakaway
Boracay, where I spent one of my best vacations ever (back in 2005)
I spent the whole weekend taking a break. I bought and ate all kinds of food. I slept a lot. I watched TV a lot. I forgot about all kinds of things connected with my job, my visa and my business. Heck, I even forgot about my laundry. :)
I just needed these two full days of slack. I needed to be alone. I needed to recharge and reboot. I needed to once again refuel my soul with gratitude and optimism. I needed to feel human again.
There are many people I am thankful to. There are many events I look upon with positive retrospect. There are many moments I choose to cherish. There are many blessings I am grateful for.
I almost forgot all of these before this weekend. I am happy that I chose to take a break. But today, I choose not to celebrate any moment or anyone in particular. Doing that today would be like cheating that person from receiving the proper homage s/he deserves (since I am still on a break, hehe). I would rather delay that entry but give it my 100% than write it now but give it only my 90%. Though the difference is small, that difference is enough.
But I promise you, tomorrow, this blog will once again be filled with celebratory moments for people in my life. :)
Until then, I hope your bodies, minds and souls do not need as much break as I did. :)
Friday, October 06, 2006
Who Are You Gonna Call?
About a month back, I watched United 93. I am sure most of you are familiar with the movie's premise but for the benefit of those who are not, United 93 is a movie about the ill-fated flight which, crashed near Washington during 11 September 2002.
While I have personal opinions on the factual basis of this movie, there was one thing that struck me the most while watching this film. I was deeply moved as the film visualized the phone calls made by the passengers to their loved ones during their final moments. I realized that if I were in the same situation, I would have no clue who I would make that last phone call to.
Who is that ONE person whom I will call? Who is that one person whom I would need to say my final goodbye to? Who is that one person whom I will share all my fears and faith to during those last hours? Whose voice will comfort me in times of extreme fear? Who will pray with me? Who?
I am not saying that no one cares for me, because a lot of people do. It is not so much the lack of choice that bothers me but the abundance of choices. Will it be my sister? Or one of my cousins? Will it be my niece? Will it be a member of my teams? How about my dad? Will it be my best friend? Will it be you? :)
While I seriously don't know the answer to these questions, I find myself lucky. I am lucky because in a world that can be so lonely, superficial and downright scary at times, I know I have you. :)
Thursday, October 05, 2006
Short and Sweet
Since I wanted to treat you to something short and sweet today, I would like to introduce you to one very short and very sweet friend of mine - Aurora!
- My Finnish Teacher - Who would have thought that my best Finnish teacher would be a two-year old who has a tendency to mix Finnish, English, Filipino and another dialect in one sentence? You cannot imagine the joy I feel whenever I talk with her because finally I found someone who almost has the same Finnish language skills me. Of course, she is a bit more advanced, but still! :)
- My Instant Map - While going home one day with Aurora, I unsurprisingly could not figure out where her place was though I have been there more than enough times. (To my defense, it was only my second time to ride a bus to her place since I always took a train and it was dark!) Anyway, it was Aurora who showed me the way and she was right. Again, who would have thought that a two year old would be the one ordering a 25-year whether to turn left or right? :)
- Instant stress reliever - Aurora can be a handful. She cries whenever something does not go her way or when she wants attention. In spite of this, I still find being with her very comforting. Maybe, because at the end of every crying match, kids are really, very uncomplicated. Adults just need to know how to play these kids' weird game of win, lose or ignore. :)
Aurora -- a small girl with a big heart. You make at least one adult feel that life does have its silver lining. :)
---
Thanks to Ali, May, David and Carmela. :)
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
Anti-Pacman
As I was walking home last night after miserably missing my bus, I thought of the video game, Pacman and how at times life seems like one big Pacman game.
Think about it. Pacman's main goal is to eat all those pellets while successfully avoiding his enemies. Every now and then, Pacman gets lucky and swallows a super pellet that makes him invincible and ready to face his greatest fears. After some seconds, he loses his power and goes back to his routine of eating pellets and avoiding the ghosts. Surprisingly, after the last pellet is eaten, there is not much celebration, he just closes his mouth (for the first time), disintegrates and starts another round of pellet-eating.
All throughout this process, Pacman remains emotionless. He goes through game after game knowing he needs to eat fast, move fast and avoid all obstacles as best as he could. He is trapped in his little maze, overly concerned with his own goal and ghosts. His life is not even made up of one challenging maze after another. They are just the same mazes, only played at different points. He moves from maze to maze, never pausing, never thinking.
Yes, sometimes I am Pacman. I just move from crossroad to crossroad. I just deal with life as fast as I can and do things as required. I trap myself in my own world and forget of what happens outside of it. I work hard to accomplish my goals but when I do I don't take time to enjoy the moment. Instead, I face another challenge as if life's milestones were supposed to be defined only by the hardships we have surpassed.
In every person's life though, there exists a Pacman anti-type. In my life it's Amanda. :)
Guess who Amanda is? :)
Amanda and I became very good friends back in high school. As luck would have it, we would also spend a considerable amount of time together in college. I have always enjoyed spending time with Amanda. She is one of those people who are just capable of enjoying life, loving people and appreciating life's little blessings. :)
I remember back in high school, when no one else seriously believed in my leadership potential, Amanda was one of those who did. Back then, since I was a new student, I did not have much friends, but Amanda readily welcomed me as part of her circle of friends. We did so much stuff together -- cramming for exams, visiting each other's houses, watching movies and taking those cute sticker photos -- but what really sticks out are our two trips to Baguio where our friendship was silently sealed. :)
Amanda has a very warm heart and she generally sees the good in people. She is very humble and treats everyone as cordially as she could. At high school, she had more wisdom than anyone else because she never really overly focused on the numbers but on the process of learning. In effect, she really got excellent grades. Until now, she remains to be a free-spirit willing to explore different parts of the world, enjoying as much as she can yet still accomplishing something. :)
I really miss Amanda and her smile. She is one of those people who will always be dear to me because she welcomed me when not everyone would and not once has she closed her doors on me.
To Amanda, I really miss you. Advanced happy birthday! Hope Singapore is treating you well. :)
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To whomever will be the 2000th official hitter of this blog, please tell me. :) Hehe. Thanks to Cyrus, Regina, Ali, Kreta, Saba, Elli, Geraldine and Anisha. Special thanks once again to Janne for putting my head together. Big huge thanks to Andrigo for saving me last night. I seriously would not have known what to do without you. Kiitos to Jani for signing my papers for the visa. Shout out also to my sister for all the help with the business. :)
Monday, October 02, 2006
Pastels
Today, I bought a small sketch pad and a box of oil pastels. I bought them not because I can draw but because I cannot. I bought them to try to explore the part of me that seeks color, art and images. I bought them to drill onto the pages pictures, words and shades that are imbedded in my thoughts. I bought them because I wanted to capture my days without using words but through predominant pictures in my head. I bought them because I wanted to capture my life in color. :)
Life is more colorful than we choose to believe. There are so many beautiful images in this world that we choose to ignore just because we are so caught up with our personal worries. Even now, as you read this, you can see shades of brown all over my blog. Don't you feel lucky that you are able to see these colors? :) Not all of us can say the same.
On this day, I choose to celebrate my gift of sight. Without it, I would have never seen the warm smiles of people I have met nor would I have ever seen how magical it is when Helsinki is all white with snow. Without it, I would never have been able to read countless stories nor would I have seen sunsets in Boracay. Without it, I would have not been able to cutely appreciate the sketch made by Annika's cousin Anna nor would I have been able to write this entry.
Sometimes, the best things in life are the ones we choose to miss. :)
Sunday, October 01, 2006
Lives in Transition
There is something about fall that brings out all sorts of emotions in me. One minute I am walking under the rain feeling reflective and melacholic, the next minute I am giddy over the sight of red and yellow leaves falling all over. :) If you think about it, what makes fall seem so complicated is not because of the rain, the slush and the wind -- it is because fall is in-between between summer and winter. In fact, fall is an experience of transition.
Anybody who has been in any form of transition knows how much emotional fusion one experiences during this moment. These moments can be as simple as deciding whether you should dye your hair blonde to whether you value having a kid more than a high-flying career. In any case, being in transition is a an extremely soul-grinding experience.
There were many points in my life when I was in transition. Of course, there were the obvious ones like adjusting my life from Manila to Helsinki or the changes in jobs. However, the experiences that were more powerful were the ones were I silently had to figure out things about myself and my life.
One person who has seen me through many of these personal transition was my cousin, Ricci.
Tita Cora, Ana and Ricci back in 2005
Ricci has always been one of my cousins with whom I was closest to. She spent many summers in our place and even spent a year or two living with us while she was in high school. During those summers she made me laugh and made me cry. One time, when I was around 6 or 7, I was inconsolable because they convinced me that I was adopted and will be given away soon. Of course, they got the scolding after that. :)
However, the more powereful memories I have of her was when I was in college. Back then, I was a bit lost and a bit found. As in any situation where one is lost, you never really get settled until you are at your destination.
In between my getting lost and found, she was one of the people who provided me with a sense of permanence. I don't really know how. Maybe it was because she was my sounding board or maybe because she was just encouraging no matter what or maybe because she was always available whenever I had the urge to watch a movie or something. In any case, she provided me with what I needed at that time -- a person who might have not gotten me but was patient enough to try. Hehe. :)
Ricci's patience and willingness to understand stems from her curiosity about life and about people. Often, she notices the good in and imbibes some of the good points for herself. It would have been easier for her to concentrate on people's flaws but she rarely does. It's no wonder that so many people seek for her company and friendship.
Currently, she is also in transition. Though I am not completely aware of how the process has been for her, I am confident that she will have that great "Aha! Moment" soon. All she needs to do is find what she is good at as easily as she finds the good in others. :) I am sure that when she begins that process, she will realize that she is a much better person than she thinks. :)
To Ricci, thank you for all the fun times together: the badminton games, the movies, the sleepovers, the communte from whereever to your place, UAAP games, the Megamall bazaar, everything! I sincerely believe that you will find your proper place very, very soon. Good luck and wishing you all the best. :)
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