Friday, January 26, 2007
Bad Karma
First of all, I must apologize for the long silence. I have been without laptop nor internet for the past weeks so posting has become quite difficult these days. Yes, my laptop suddenly gave up on me -- without any warning or sign. And at that moment, when I saw my laptop conk out, I just stared haphazardly at the screen and silently said, "Not one more thing."
I have had a string of bad luck lately -- from washing machine payments to laptops breaking down to visa problems to a big possibility of not being able to go to IPM. Sometimes I feel that I could not take it any longer. Small things when piled up becomes insurmountable. I feel trapped. I feel helpless. I feel alone.
What should I do next? I do not know. Right now, I just feel like admitting that, yes, I am in a deep crisis. There is a need to overhaul my life but where and how to begin is something I don't know. I wish I can fast forward my life and see how this can all be solved. But unfortunately, life does not play through a DVD player. Life plays on its own course. No matter how much you try to steer your way through it with much enthusiasm, it just finds a way to kill your hope inch by inch.
Yes, I am tired. I don't know if being home or being in Finland or being on the moon would help me feel less sad now. Maybe for the first time in history, I am giving in to life's negative graces.
5 comments:
Erica Berica...
Life is only as bad as we make it. In the last 2 months...
I have had a heart attack
Been in hospital for 2 weeks
Had a 11,000 dollar hospital bill slapped on me
Had a regular regimen of hospital visits, blood visits, pills, reaction to pills...
On the flip side...
I have been offered a permanent contract at work
I have a new best friend. He's Nigerian
My brother is getting married in June and I get to go!
A dear friend is flying all the way to come and see in New Zealand
My dear... no matter how bad things are... there's always a flip side!
Buck up, set your chin straight and remember you are the leader of a national organization of amazing individuals.
Lots of Kisses, Hugs and stardust
PS
Find a man with big stong arms and a wide chest to hold you, stroke your hair and tell you everything will be ok!
never give up
I know you are a fighter and you have the strength to get yourself out of this!
thinking of you during these tough times and sending you a big big hug!
Thanks Ladi, Maria and Caro. I will update you guys soon!
oh erica! I feel as though I haven't being doing my job of late! It seems as though we have some lemonade to make! Email me and we will arrange a chat ASAP! And what is this silliness about you not being at IPM?! Who will I have the vaguely cynical but really just very practical and down to earth chats with now?! Franky is noooo good for that kind of thing!
GIGANTIC HUGS!!
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