Tuesday, March 13, 2007
Love and Regret
I was attending a meeting hosted by Chris Evatt yesterday. He was talking to a bunch of personnel managers about well-being and what it means to be well. He emphasized the point that ONE person can change an organization, heck, one person can even change the world! All one has to do is find out what his value is in this world and live out this value.
Sounds simple, eh? Of course, living this out is a lot more tricky than it sounds. As an exercise though, he asked the participants to write down the things they enjoy doing and from there you will see what value you actually wish to create.
So, being the diligent person that I am, I actually went through the exercise in my head and came up with a list of things that I find joy doing. :)
What I love to do #1: Presenting / Talking in front of an audience
Finnish AIESECers know that when I am on stage, I just love it. It's not because I am extra egotistical but rather because I know I have the presence, the skill and the energy to give out. Whether it is a session about what we do or about personal development, I just love being there and being able to convey something I so believe in. :) I don't know when I developed this talent or how I ever did develop it, but I know I do thrive in an environment where I am given the chance to talk to an audience about my opinions, my life and myself. As a consequence, I know my audience get something out of it, whether it be increased energy, motivation or just joy.
What I love doing #2: Writing
For all you blog readers out there, it must be quite clear that I LOVE TO WRITE my musings on people and life. I love to make people aware of my thought processes hoping that aside from allowing people into my life, I am able to make people think about their own experiences as well. I don't mean to say I like "inspiring" people since that is not the case. It is more of allowing people to see themselves in my experiences to make them feel happier about their existence.
What I love doing #3: Singing and Listening to Music
The joy I get from singing and being around music is indescribable. I listen from the most bubblegum pop song to the most intense classical music. Either way, the effect it has on me, is just breathtaking. I feel like I am in another world. I feel at peace and happy. The feeling it creates when I sing or listen to music is that of belonging to a world, which is otherwise so fragmented and confused.
Those are the three things I love doing. If I put 1 + 1 + 1 together, I am sure that my purpose has something to do with making people feel good about themselves, whether by music, by words or by talking.
The big challenge is this: How can I make people feel good about themselves if I myself can't make myself feel good? Hmmm, life is ironic, ain't it?
I guess I can start by forgiving myself for something I feel I should not have not done. I should have protected myself from people and circumstances that only made me feel unworthy of being loved. I know I made bad decisions but I cannot undo what has been done. Right now, I just feel a twinge of regret everytime I think of particular instances during the last few months.
I don't like regretting stuff but I also cannot deny that I do regret what happened. I just hope that sometime soon, I can readily and proudly say that I have forgiven myself.
Right now, I have submitted all of me to God, hoping that one day. I hope I'll get up from this fall and come to understand and accept everything sooner than I expected.
4 comments:
Hi
I am not in London...
My juan.myaiesec.net blog is broken...
In the mean time, I am using: http://juan-cajiao.blogspot.com
Hugs!
Juan
hooooooola! Massive hugs! It has been a whole 2 days since we talked :P
Hey Gal!
Thanks for popping that comment! Hope you're doing ok!
Erica! Thankyou for the message on my blog :) And I don't know about the other things on your list, but you are definitely a fantastic writer and I love reading your blog, for all the reasons you've mentioned :)
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