Thursday, October 25, 2007
In Control
If I were to write my autobiography now, I do not think I would be very happy with the end result. While it is true, than in it would be loads of drama, comedic moments and existential ramblings, I am not sure I have lived to my potential as a human being.
I want the thesis of my autobiography to be that of success. When I look back at mu life, I want to realize that I was in control of it (with God´s help of course) and not helpless by life´s fickleness. It seems so obvious but sometimes I miss the point that yes, I am in control of my life.
I did not control the genes I got, the country I was born into, the pre-disposition I was meant to have and a lot of other things BUT I am in control of realizing my happiness, my worth and my potential. No longer am I self-loathing rather, I have learned to embrace who I am and who I can be. The road was rocky but it was worth treading on it if only for the future that lies ahead of me.
I am happy that my transformation has not been quick. It was arduously slow and sometimes painfully difficult. This way though, the lessons stick longer and the change more lasting.
The process is still going on. While for the most part, I am happy, I also feel a twinge of loneliness, of not belonging anywhere every so often. BUT I still feel peaceful knowing that I will be okay and that now I am a better person.
I am in control of my life and now at 16:25 on 25 October, I will start chasing the dreams I have kept in my heart. No longer will I make life´s randomness as an excuse, rather I will make it my reason to stay focused and determined to take hold of the life I have been blessed with.
No matter how crazy or weird people may think I am, no matter how I am seen as a loser and no matter how much I am looked down on, I am determined because I am in control of my life. :)
Over and out.
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