Monday, November 12, 2007
Falling for Fall
I used to hate the fall. I hated the sloshy streets, the dark days and even darker nights, the gloomy people walking on the streets. Nowadays though, I have come to like, even love, this season.
I like fall because of the melancholy and peace it seems to force out of me. I like that it forces me to look forward to the first drop of snow or to appreciate the 3-hour sunshine Helsinki has to offer. I like that at the back of my mind, I am looking forward to Christmas and my birthday.
A lot of people do not like fall. I can understand them. However, I feel that as one matures, one learns to appreciate the fall because when you feel a certain peace and calm during this season, you know that it is not superficial. I for one know that my happiness now comes from something deep within me, from somewhere I have never believed existed. I mean, it is easy to be happy and frantic in the summer, especially since everyone seems to be on drugs at that time (hehe) BUT to feel so blessed at the gloomiest time of the year just means that one has crossed the almost invisible line between self-depreciation and genuine self-esteem. Luckily for me, I have crossed that line.
I know of many now who are still wondering whether that line exists in their lives. The good news is that I am sure it does. The bad news is that it took me 14 years to figure it out. But no fret, I am sure you are way smarter than me. :)
There are many books on how to discover happiness, many techniques taught, some studies done, at the very core of it, there is really no formula to happiness. I became happier once I revisited my faith. Some become happier when they find a wife or a husband. Some become happier when they finally earn that million dollars. Some become happier by simply being able to walk and talk.
The pursuit of happiness is actually just a pursuit of one´s self. We spend so much time running away from who we are while paradoxically saying we want to find ourselves. But why are we always running away from who we are? Why aren´t we trained to love ourselves genuinely? I suppose it is because our greatest gift as human beings is also our greatest flaw i.e. we think and feel too much.
But with this thinking and feeling comes a genuine sense of living. Once you look remember those laugh-out-loud moments with family and friends, look at pictures of vacations that passed and listen to those heartwarming songs that remind you of a loved one or a friend, you will realize that life felt wonderful back then. There isn´t a reason why it would not be now, is there? :)
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