Thursday, November 01, 2007
Seeing Scars
Erica, Tomi and Hopsu (Spring 2007)
This picture was taken seven months ago. You would have not guessed but when this photo was taken I was fresh out of the hospital and was out of my luck. Back then, I had no prospect of a job, I felt alone and I was just plain sad.
Fast forward to now -- I am peaceful, hopeful and very much in tune with life.
It is true that nothing is temporary in this world and while looking at this picture I cannot even really imagine what was going on in my head back then. This person you now see seem so integral yet so separate from the person who is now dutifully typing on her keyboard. So much has changed since then. So much has been learned and so much has been re-learned.
However, though much has changed since then, I cannot help but wonder what if things were different, life did not feel so cruel or that I did not feel so weak. What if I were the person I am now back then? Would I have handled things differently?
While what I learned will forever remain in my heart, I know that my experience back then will forever leave a scar. As scars go, they do not really hurt all the time, bút when you look at it, you are reminded that once in your life you were wounded so deeply that it needed to leave a mark on you.
I know I am happy now but I also know that fundamentally, I am forever changed because of what happened in my recent past. While everything may have happened for a reason, these reasons seem to escape me when I look at the scars this experience has inflicted.
Yet, I am strong person. I have fought my battles and won the war. I am convinced of my goodness as a human being and even more convinced that I deserve a lot of good things. Yet, I am a different person and while I love the person I became, I realize that loving oneself is a constant process that needs dedication and understanding.
I accept that the scars of my life will remain etched in my soul. But in the end, who cares? It is better to have been scarred and still be thankful for being alive than to live a life of relative ease and feign in ignorance. I am who I am - no more, no less.
4 comments:
Hey dear.
That was such an interesting post. But so true.
I'm glad that you are feeling better and feel content as you are now.
I miss our chats - we have to catch up soon :D
What are you doing these days? :D
Looking forward to hear more news from you! :D
All the best from Iceland
Hey Erica. Your post reminded me of a really great song by a young Australian artist, Missy Higgins. Her first big hit in Oz was a song called Scar. You can read the lyrics here: www.missyhiggins.com.au and try to download the song if you can as well - it is very cool =) beijos from brazil, x Zoe
hey mate,
this reminds me of a piece of art I saw on the weekend. It was an outdoor instillation where the artist had taken digital photos of the landscape and then... six months later put up pieces of glass with the photos imprinted into them so the scale matched the actual landscape behind it. Essentially you could look through the photo/glass and match it with real life behind it.
The purpose: to say that we are looking at the past (the photo) superimposed with the constantly changing present/future (the real world happening behind the photo).
The cool thing was that there was almost no difference between the two... except that we knew the photo was six months old and that the people living in it had moved, ever so slightly, forward in their lives.
Cheers
W
Hey Thordis!
I miss you too. I hope you are being treated well by MCP life x2.
Zoe and Westy,
It´s nice you get to visit my blog still. I like the song and the analogy of the picture.
:) Erica
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