Wednesday, June 27, 2007
A Haircutting Experience
Yesterday was a monumental moment in my life. I got a haircut and not just any other haircut, I got bangs. Haha! So now I look like a mopped Japanese school girl with a lot of hair on her face. :-p
For those who know me, anything that I do to my hair has always been a big issue for me. For example, it took me half a year to decide to chop my hair short much to the chagrin of people whom I constantly asked if I should cut my hair or not. But yesterday, I just had the super compulsive need to get a haircut and a different kind of hairstyle at that. Though I consulted people, I decided to ignore their advice and just went ahead and got the bangs. :) I really did not care if I would look silly or not, I did what I felt like doing and I was darn proud of that.
At the salon, the girl did not understand much Finnish. She actually cut my hair a lot shorter than I expected. But surprisingly, I did not get mad. Instead I just shrugged it off and said that this was meant to happen. Anyway, I still had long-enough hair. I was surprised at how I reacted. Usually, I would do one of the following: (a) cry, (b) get angry or (c) both. But yesterday I took her mistake with ease and mentally noted to myself how I will talk to her next time. :)
So, ladies and gents, I am now officially almost a guru, haha! That means I accept things I cannot change now but I look forward to the future while picking up lessons along the way.
Ain´t life weird? Me of all people, calm and relaxed. Hahaha! :) Life is indeed funny!
Monday, June 25, 2007
Quotes from Before Sunset
Wow! Never judge a movie by its poster, its genre or its stars. That is what I realized after watching and getting philosophically challenged by a small, romantic movie called Before Sunset! It was such a intelligently written script where two soulmates meet again for the first time in nine years only to banter about love, relationships, life and success. I was so pleasantly shocked that I needed to quote some of the best lines from the movie! Enjoy your reading!
Memories are wonderful things if you don't have to deal with the past.
Life's hard. It's supposed to be. If we didn't suffer we'd never learn anything.
I guess when you're young, you just believe there'll be many people with whom you'll connect . Later in life you realize it only happens a few times.
The idea that you can only be complete with another person is evil, right?!
Maybe what I'm saying is, is the world might be evolving the way a person evolves. Right? Like, I mean, me for example. Am I getting worse? Am I improving? I don't know. When I was younger, I was healthier, but I was, uh, whacked with insecurity, you know? Now I'm older and my problems are deeper, but I'm more equipped to handle them.
They enjoy the goal but not the process. But the reality of it is that the true work of improving things is in the little achievements of the day.
I see it in the people that do the real work, and what's sad in a way is that the people that are the most giving, hardworking, and capable of making this world better, usually don't have the ego and ambition to be a leader.
You can never replace anyone because everyone is made up of such beautiful specific details.
I think so. I read this study where they followed people who won the lottery, and people who had become paraplegic, right.
You'd think that...you know, one extreme is gonna make you...euphoric, and the other suicidal. But the study shows that
after about 6 months. As soon as people get used to their situation, they were more or less the same. Like if they were basically an optimistic, jovial person, they're now an optimistic, jovial person, in a wheel chair.
If they're a petty miserable asshole, ok, they're a petty miserable asshole with a new Cadillac, a house and a boat.
I seriously recommend the movie. It would make you think rather than fall in love. :)
Sunday, June 24, 2007
Business Venture #1
Yep, I am starting my own business already. I am planning to invest on producing a line of toys that would also serve as an instrument for parents to teach good values to their kids. I am really determined to make this work. Win or lose, I know that I will learn a lot about having one´s own business. Though the plan is for me to still stay in Finland, I will do my best to make sure that I get the most of this experience.
After all, I am not afraid of failing anymore. :)
Thursday, June 21, 2007
An Open Letter to the Man I Call God
Dear God,
The other day I was thinking about death. I wondered that if I were to die at that moment, the only words I could have uttered to you were "I am sorry." I cried after realizing that those were the only words I can tell you. I know I have not lived the best I can because I have been overly concerned with my problems instead of concentrating on the many blessings you have bestowed on me.
I am not going to deny to anyone that 2007 so far has been very tough for me. Save for getting really serious physical injuries, I have experienced in a span of 6 months what most would experience in a lifetime. There was a time, I questioned you, pitied myself and played the victim. I hated you. I resented that you ever let me live a life that is so full of pain, anger and sadness. So much anger did I have for you that I did not even dare try to pray. I said I can handle this on my own. I doubted your existence and when I did not, I asked you to leave me alone.
But you did not leave me alone. Everyday you would still give me a simple blessing to remind me that there is someone out there who loves me and cares for me. For example, yesterday, my landlady kindly told me that I did not have to pay the rent this month because she wanted to help me.
When I finally had the courage to pray to you in the most sincere way I could during the last six months, I cried even without saying one word. It was like getting reunited with a long lost friend and getting forgiveness without uttering a single word. I know that something out there loves me.
And suddenly, everything I went through made sense. Instead of concentrating on the bad experiences, I realized what I gained i.e. self-acceptance and self-respect. My belief that everything has a reason fortified. Moreso, it was during the time I prayed that the words - every beginning has an end - came through my thoughts. Now, I look forward to ending this rather memorable chapter and moving on to a happier, more peaceful phase in my life.
I would also like to thank Mama Mary whom I was very angry with after years of a loving relationship with her. I must admit that I felt abandoned by her and betrayed. In the past week though, as I utter the prayers to her, I felt a sense of comfort and of peace. I felt as though everything will work out.
At the end of the day, I want to thank you. Thank you for the blessings, both good and bad. Thank you for challenging me. Thank you for listening to me. Thank you for loving me. And when I die, I hope that words of gratitude are the words which I utter.
Your daughter,
Erica
Monday, June 18, 2007
It´s Raining Friends
The good thing about having to go through tough times is you get to know who your real friends are. If only for that everything I have been through, am going through and will go through has been worth it.
Through thick and thin, I love all of my friends.
Thursday, June 14, 2007
Unquotable Quotes from the Philippines
Since I have not been doing much, I have been catching up on Philippine news and well, gossip. Anywho, one of the biggest news these days in my country is the break up of an actress and her millionaire foreign husband. Although I really am sad that a marriage described in the Philippines as a fairy tale one has ended, the endless "she-said, he-said" drama these two are entangled with has been quite amusing to watch. Why? Because of the quotable quotes that come from them!
Here is one of these funny quotes: "How funny! If I tortured her 15 hours and electrocuted her in bathtub, why she still alive? Is she Superman or Spiderman?"
And since I come from a land of funny people, here are some of the funniest quotes from our beloved famous people!
My brother is not a girl; he’s a gentleman.
Don’t judge my brother; he’s not a book.
I won’t stoop down to my level.
I don’t eat meat. I’m not a carnival.
And to you, I have two words for you. Ang labo mo! (as you can see it´s three words. :)
I have more to share later but for now this shall do. Anyway, I hope it made you laugh a bit. Laughter is the best medicine. :)
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Spelling Frustration
How do I spell frustration? Well like this -- VISA. I am currently, extremely and 100% frustrated and not to add anxious about my visa. I have done all I can do and, of course, I have also done my best to be as patient about it as possible. But, lo and behold, this test of my patience is turning out to be a real test.
Seriously, I have not been complaining about this much nor have I been worrying. My whole mantra of the universe deciding on the right time has been with me through the last month. I do not want to complain since people around me have been supportive but I am just getting too honest to deny that now, at this moment, as in today, I am frustrated.
Well, ranting on a blog does not help much. But it saves me from panic attacks, and that is important, eh?
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
Team Possible
I rarely talk about my MC team, Team Possible, on this blog because I have so much to say yet whenever I try I cannot find the right words. I guess experiencing the year with these three guys could only be described as indescribable (ironically). There are no words to say to Shreya, Jani and Annika but thank you. Thank you for the year that was, the friendship that already is and the deeper relationships to come.:)
What were we thinking in this picture?
Monday, June 11, 2007
Cry Baby
From a person who took forever to cry before, I have become such a cry baby, it´s unbelievable! :) Nowadays, I cry over the biggest or the silliest of things. I believe this has hasppened because I have come to terms with my emotional side. But the danger lies in the imbalance i.e. if I become too emotional and forget the importance of being rational.
Anyhow, I am glad that I have been able to cry more lately, even in public spaces! It helps me acknowledge the emotions right off, deal with it and move on. For example, my whole visa situation. Erica 2006 would just "calmly" hear about the situation and start finding solutions. All this time, I am not really calm. I am actually repressing worry, fear and anger. Cut to, Erica now. After hearing a problem, I get all the facts straight, try to find solutions and if everything else fails, I cry. Then I am off to finding out more solutions! In a lot of ways, it helps me a lot because I am able to be upfront with myself and I hardly repress emotions.
My bottomline is this: I actually like crying. It makes me feel more human, at peace and integrated. In the end, being those things matter most to me.
Thursday, June 07, 2007
Retired and Loving It
I am living my life now as if I were retired. I don´t care that much about money. I take care of my own time. I only deal with people whom I want to deal with. I sleep early and wake up early. I am, well, retired.
I don´t know whether this is a temporary state of mind but so far it has helped me increase my inner peace. And you know how much I want to achieve that don´t you?
Every now and then I still cry because the only thing stopping me from achieving this inner peace is myself. I cry because I find hard to love myself unconditionally. Sure I know my weaknesses but have I accepted them? Not completely.
Anyway, I hope you also retire from this rat race very soon. :)
Wednesday, June 06, 2007
One Task at a Time
I am a multi-tasker. I can do at least 3 things at the same time. No matter how much I accomplished by being one I realized that being that has created unnecessary stress in my life. So in my effort to further simplify my life, I twisted my personal philosophy a bit and came up with "one task at a time."
What does this mean in practice? Well, it means I only do one thing at a time. For example, when eating big meals like lunch or dinner, I dare not to go in front of the TV. Or when I write on this blog for example, I only have this window open so that I can fully concentrate on what I am doing. :)
I hope that this exercise will allow me to be more present in what I am doing. This week, I have been on and off practicing presence by just enjoying the moment. For example, if I am on my way to the center, I do not think of what I would do while in the center, I just enjoy the trip and the walk and look around with extra curiosity. :)
I aim that these practices will be embedded on my day-to-day living and make me achieve more inner peace.
