Friday, August 31, 2007
Smiley!
Finally, I am getting happier...
Thursday, August 30, 2007
I am Mad!
For the longest time, I have been keeping to myself my anger towards a person whom I felt has done me wrong. I tried to forgive, forget, move on and be at peace. However, as of two weeks ago, I have officially declared to that person that yes, I am indeed angry at him for what he said and did. I am angry for making me feel like I am not a good person. I am angry for the lack of understanding. I am angry for making me feel like I am a bad person. Yes, I had my struggles but NO ONE and I mean NO ONE has the right to treat me like I am a scum.
So why am I blogging about it? TO COME CLEAN. I have suffered too much and I have allowed my other relationships to suffer as well because of this anger. I am slowly and surely recovering from this "madness" (hehe) and the only way I see doing that is by being upfront about it.
One day at a time right? :)
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Miss Piggy and Miss E-ggy
ERICA
MISS PIGGY
I think my curls made me look like Miss Piggy. Hahaha! :) At least Miss Piggy is stylish.
Sunday, August 26, 2007
Mother Theresa´s Crisis of Faith
Check this out: Mother Theresa´s Crisis of Faith.
In the end, we are all too human. The important thing is that we try to be better persons.
Friday, August 24, 2007
I´m Bringing Sexy Back, Yeah!
Exercising has always been an on and off thing for me. Five years ago, I was so obsessed with going to the gym and I went almost everyday since I got tired of being teased by my office mates as being a fatso. :) Well, I did lose the pounds but did not really gain the self-esteem needed to push forward with the workout when you hit a plateau (i.e. not losing any more weight). So, I usually drop off from the gym, become fat again and then hit the gym again.
I would actually say that subconsciously I wanted to fail. Why else would I stop and live an unhealthy lifestyle only to return to exercising after?
However, after the life changes I have been through this year, I think this time, I can actually stick through a continuous effort for a healthier lifestyle. My patience has increased ten-fold since last year. I really take things a day at a time. I don´t dramatically cut off unhealthy food anymore nor do I excessively work out in the gym.
Now I know my personal goal on my physical well-being. I envision it, I know it, I work on it and I am patient with it. I believe that bringing sexy back is not that hard. ;)
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Super Duper Funny!
The following is a letter found at a certain bar in Manila and has been preserved in its original, unedited form. Enjoy reading. Please read with feelings.
===========
To Marjie,
I am not surprise or wander why Dennis leave you. Why? What reason you can think about but you’re very fat body. I thought before that Dennis only use me to his toy but sooner and later I’m realize that he really can’t not beared or stomached to be with you anymore.
Because at first, Dennis say he could not stand you’re habit of making pakialam all his walks (lakad) and always calling to their house what he go home or this or that and then he say he get ashame to met iether in school or in his family and then asking you to exercise you’re very very, very fat body.
But you hate it thougth your the most preetiest girls he knows about. What do you think you are “Beautiful Girl” of Jose Marie Chan? Even you are beautiful face (to your think) you do not have the right to called me whatsoever or else different name one time or the other for the real purposed to insults my personality because I’m never call you names iether in the front of Dennis or in the backs of Dennis. But if you start already to calling me different name, I don’t have any other choice but to call you other different name to like you are a PIG, FAT, OBESSED, OVERWIGHT, AND UGLY SHAPE girl.
Shame to you’re body that is to a BUDING. You can’t not blame Dennis for exchanging you to me because I am the more sexier than you when you look to us in the mirror. I’m repeat again that you are like Ike Lozada when she is a girl.
FROM: THE SEXIEST GIRL OF D.M.
P.S. You say that I’m the bad breathe but who is Dennis want to kissed. Me or you? You or me? And the final is me. There you go.
Monday, August 20, 2007
Complicated Heroes
Harry Potter: This connection between me and Voldemort, what if the reason for it is that I’m becoming more like him. I just feel so angry, all the time. And what if after everything I’ve been through, something’s gone wrong inside me. What if I’m becoming bad.
Sirius Black: I want you to listen to me very carefully Harry. You’re not a bad person. You’re a very good person, who bad things have happened to. You understand? Besides, the world isn't split into good people and death eaters. We have all got both light and dark inside us. What matters is the power we chose to act on. That’s who we really are.-- From Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix The Movie
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What makes a hero?
I just watched Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. As cheesy as this sounds, there were several times that I shed tears during the movie. I did not expect to cry because I always told people that the fifth book was my least favorite because it was dark, confusing and sad. This was the book where we saw how pained Harry was, how lonely he felt, how dark he seemed and how angry he became -- of his fate, himself and the people around him. However, it was exactly of this reason why I cried during the film. Though I am no hero, I realized that my struggles in the past (though now almost resolved) were because I felt that I had to face my dark side.
Everyone of us has a dark side -- a side we would rather hide and deny. Somehow though we need to face it because it will otherwise catch up with us. I know mine did. Much like Harry, when my personal Voldemort showed up, started hissing in my ear and clouding my mind -- I felt the struggle.
Despite the struggle though, I made a choice that I wanted to come out a better person out of the experience. Unfortunately, choosing to be a good person proved to be a more difficult decision than I can really describe. It is a difficult decision because there exists a constant struggle between being able to believe and hope that good things are bound to happen versus the reality that bad things are happening.
So many bad things happened to me that not only did it rain and poured but it flooded.
But now the flood is over. The sun is starting to shine upon me again. Good things have been happening lately -- stronger family relationships, having a good job, meeting spiritually enriching people, seeing new places, realizing new things, faithful and loving friends, a stable mindset and a deeper faith. I am at peace.
And like Harry Potter (in the Order of the Phoenix), the thing that kept me fighting is the belief in love and friendship. I fought my personal Voldemort and I only came out a better person in the end.
And much like all the other heroes whose complicated and often sad backgrounds have pushed them to their limits often, I have felt the same. And yet like a hero, I have learned to embrace the person that I am and that my existence has a purpose. Maybe my purpose does not really involve saving the planet from an atomic bomb but still I know I have a purpose.
I am no hero to anyone but I believe that I have (I can have) the heart of one.
Friday, August 17, 2007
Quotes that Made me Laugh
After the therapy, and the psychiatry, and the meetings, you know what it all comes down to? You're all f----- up." - From the movie "Two for the Money"
"You know I am just like any other political figure. Everybody wants to be loved." - George W. Bush
"There are jobs Americans aren´t doing...If you´ve got a chicken factory, a chicken-plucking factory or whatever you call them, you know what I´m talking about." - George W. Bush
"I know what I believe. I will continue to articulate what I believe and what I believe -- I believe what I believe is right." -- George W. Bush
"You peaked too soon. You're was what we call a "peak to sooner"" - From the movie "View from the Top"
"You are like Brutus!" - Yilmaz Bektaz on wife Ruffa Guttierez
"Why should I have a calling card? I am not a call girl." - Melanie Marquez
"Hello? For a while. Please hang yourself." - Melanie Marquez while asking for a caller to wait
"You´re not a boy anymore. You´re a man anymore!" - Melanie Marquez
"Even you are beautiful face (to your think) you do not have the right to called me whatsoever or else different name one time or the other for the real purposed to insults my personality because I’m never call you names ether in the front of Dennis or in the backs of Dennis, but if you start already to calling me different name, I don’t have any other choice but to call you other different name to. Like you are a PIG, FAT, OBESSED, OVERWIGHT, AND UGLY SHAPE girl. " - Anonymous
"Take the risk. You can never can tell. Just burn the bridge when you get there. Life is shorts. If you make a mistake, we’ll just pray for the internal and external repose of your soul. I second emotion." - Anonymous
"Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood." - Oscar Wilde
Thursday, August 16, 2007
Ouch!
I am in pain...
...PHYSICALLY
Since last Monday, my head has been throbbing like crazy. My stomach has been churning and has not given me much peace as well. My muscles are weak. My temperature shoots up and down. Ouch.
...SPIRTUALLY
I have been attending a lot of spiritual awakening programmes ever since last week. I am very happy I made the decision to go there. However, the more I go there more I realize how spirituallyempty I have actually been my entire life. I always thought I had faith and I did -- albeit it was not as profound as I thought.
What makes me feel pain though is that I realized how much wrong choices I have made in the past, how much I misprioritized my life has been and how self-centered I have been. As I come to terms with my sins, it takes extra effort to really forgive and accept all that has been done. I know with humility, I will be able to do so. But as in anything in (my) life, I am taking it a step at a time. In this case, it can even be half a step at a time! OUCH! ;)
...EMOTIONALLY
Of all the pains I have been experiencing, this is perhaps the most unpredictable. I would like to credit this to mood swings but I believe that there is something more to this than just uncontrollable hormones. Yesterday, while meditating, my frame of thought went into a place I never visited before -- very, very early childhood. Questions went into my head but somehow I knew these questions were not mean to be answered then and there. I knew that the answers would take much emotional maturity to be able to handle.
In any case, I am getting happier by the second. The decision to take time for myself, though painful, feels like it was the best decision I could have made at this time. I know some of my friends may be hurting because of this but I also believe in my heart that they understand. In time, everything will be alright. OUCH!
...MENTALLY
I have been reading a lot of gossip-filled internet sites recently. After some thought, I have concluded that reading these sites, though interesting and funny (as in laugh out loud funny) are doing nothing to really make me grow as a person. Rather it pulls me down because it encourages the judgemental and lazy side of me. So, from this day onward, I will not visit those sites anymore. I would not be surprised if my headaches were partly caused by collecting these irrelevant pieces of information! So please do wish me luck! :) OUCH!
...SOCIALLY
My "personal seclusion agreement" has of course cost a dent in my relationships with people. I am more quiet these days and less likely to initiate conversations. I prefer sleeping in than meeting people for coffee. I don´t talk through my life anymore and have somehow stopped wanting to talk about it.
In the long run, I have no clue how this will affect the course of my yet-to-be-fully-lived life. For now though, I am sticking to my decision to be "alone for a while." As I said, it just feels like it was a good decision. History will judge if it indeed were.
...FINANCIALLY
This pain is more connected to the reality that until now we have not found the best partners for our business. But then again, I know that there is reason behind this "wait." I am sure God wants us to find the best possible people to work with and not settle for anyone less. For now, the search continues with endless SMS-sending and internet-hunting. I do feel (and know) though that this will pay off. I won´t be surprised if things turn around in a snap! OUCH!
OUch -- yet in every ouch muttered is a healing process waiting to end. :)
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Blih, Blah, Bloh - Random Oh!
Blih, blah, bloh - Erica´s random thoughts 101
I feel good today. I have no reason why exactly, I just do. I did not really believe I would feel good today when I woke up since I was in a frustrated mood this morning because so far my living space has been a mess. I am still living on the couch of the MC flat until of course I have the right to move in my new room. Do not get me wrong. I am extremely, 101% thankful that the MC people allowed me to live there for two months. My current and future housemates have been very kind and understanding! I don´t think I deserve their kindness actually. :-/ It is just that I have too many things. :( So basically, my stress comes from my own doing! Haha! Suprised not, eh?! Imagine I have more than 40 pairs of shoes, almost 70 kilos of clothes, etc. In short, I almost have a mini-mall. Hehe. :)
Anywho, I am in a better mood now and I credit the sudden change of mood to prayer and meditation. All I had to do was to: (1) Acknowledge I was frustrated; (2) Believe that I can do something about my day; (3) Pray for the proper disposition. VOILA! Bad mood turned good in no time. :)
Right now, I am busy looking for suppliers for my dolls still. :) I am also researching more on marketing so I can do my job for Aaba well. :) I am also on this mega-life detoxification programme. I am consciously getting rid of all physical and emotional toxins I have.
How do I detoxify? First, I have promised to abstain from all junk food and chocolates for a long time. There is no deadline actually. The thing is my body has been complaining to me since I have been eating SO MUCH junk these past two months after almost half a year of not eating those stuff. I know I will probably have withdrawal symptoms, but I got to do this if I want to remain healthy in the future.
Emotionally, I have chosen to take time off for myself. I mean, I still love my friends, but I just realized it has been a long time since I just enjoyed being alone and having a free schedule. It was quite selfish what I did, in all honesty. But sometimes, being able to admit to yourself that you need time alone is the only way you can enjoy other people´s company again. :)
Spiritually, I have been renewing my faith everyday in ways that are too personal for me to share online. In any case, this aspect has been also quite good for my once-battered soul.
Blih, blah, bloh - Random thoughts entry closed. :)
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
Missing: Supplier
My business partners and I have been looking for suppliers for the past month. I never thought it would be as hard as it is now but DARN, it is hard to find suppliers! :(
My vision was that we would be able to launch in September. But as it is, our timeline might be a bit challenging. Nevertheless, NEVER GIVE UP has always been my personal chant so lo and behold, I am continuing the search for the missing supplier. :) In any case, this chase has been quite fun. People have been generous with information and of course with contacts. Let us see how this search ends up.
Pose, Snap and Click!
Laila, Mhir and Me - Starbuck Models?
Reece and Angelica - My nieces!
Me, Gaby and Marianna - Playing Aunt with the kiddies
My sister and I with the Kids - Why is Reece so sad? Hehe.
Alda and Me - Remember her? I wrote about her before! :)
Monday, August 13, 2007
Coping in Copenhagen
I just came home from an IMPROMPTU vacation to Copenhagen, Denmark. :) I decided I needed a break on Wednesday and God willing was able to book a flight on Thursday, found a companion on the same day and found housing later that afternoon. Going on unplanned vacations has been very good for my soul so far.
Anywho, Copenhagen was BOO-tiful! Danish people are BOO-tiful! It was so nice to be there -- to chill, enjoy the city, munch on the food, shop and just be able to rest. :) Some of the highlights of the trip include:
Making Andrigo a metrosexual - I went to CPH with a very trusted friend and what he wanted to do was to shop since he lives in a tiny town in Sweden where shops are, erm, limited. Once at the store, I gave him tips and tops on how I think men should dress like. The ending? He bought all kinds of METROSEXUAL clothes. Haha! :) One day, I will make all my friends metro. :)
Rolling my tounge - We went to Ripley´s Believe it or Not museum and I found out that I can roll my tounge and that I am one in a thousand! What a feat! Wonder how it looks on my CV. ;)
Nature-tripping - Walking around CPH makes you realize how gorgeous life and the world can be. Not only was the city really pretty, since it was both modern and traditional, the people were also ALL SO PRETTY. My gosh! I should move there and just watch people move! What is more is that they are also friendly. PERFECT! :)
Rest and Relaxation - I used the chance to meet up with some friends I met in conferences and it was nice to get to know people outside of the usual bustle of conferences. It was nice to be immersed in their normal lives and see how they are as people and not as delegates. :) It was also nice to be able to sleep and just wake up in the morning and say. "Ah life is still worth it."
Anyway, this is just a brief summary of the weekend that was. Copenhagen was good. The weekend was even better. :) Thank God for the resources, the friends and the chance to be there!
Friday, August 10, 2007
Controversial God
One of my friends asked recently why I am so open about my belief in God. She was astounded that I can be so candid about something that not a lot of people are willing to accept nor take in lightly.
I paused for a while. I wondered. Was I just grandstanding? Was I proclaiming belief to make myself stand above the rest? Did I, from the very core of my heart, really believe in God?
Several pauses later, I concluded that yes, I believe in God. Not only do I believe in God but I believe in one who loves me unconditionally.
Now comes the age old debate of how someone can stand for something as abstract as God. With a sigh, I answer, "Because I can."
It is my choice to believe in God and by no means am I forcing anyone to have the same faith as I do. While I welcome other believers or would-be believers in my life, I also welcome those who have differing opinions. Having different stands on this matter is no different from people debating who is the better choice between Obama or Hillary or if the Zone is a healthy way to lose weight.
In a debate as timeless God´s existence, sometimes the best way to win is to just walk the talk and believe that in the midst of seemingly chaotic and hollow world is something good and loving. If one believes in both the good and love, I bet, that life becomes less empty for that person.
Thursday, August 09, 2007
British Idol
I love Queen Elizabeth I! Yep that is right, the dead one. :) I love that she was a woman of power -- loved by her people, strong in convictions yet emotional and temperemental as well. Hahaha! I think I want to be her, except I don´t want to have her horrible "white as ghost" make up!
I have been watching movies on her and also reading some stuff about her and I believe she was really anointed to be Queen. She did survive numerous murder plots and even got the "blessing" of her Catholic half-sister.
So my current adage is just given to a woman, who I think rocked the world! Elizabeth -- you are my idol (even though you are dead)! Haha! :)
Tuesday, August 07, 2007
Suomi!
Moi!
I am back in Suomi and I am still dead tired so I cannot really share some of my more deep and, maybe even, inspiring thoughts. In any case, my vacation was good and I got a lot out of it. Being back in Finland proved to be a challenge after 3 days but now I am slowly re-adjusting my mindset for snother long wait before going home.
God bless everyone and until my nexr posting! Here is a picture of me with one of my nieces, Sophia. :) Check out the new do!
