Monday, October 29, 2007
Trick and Treat
BOO - Last Saturday, I went to a Halloween party as an elf. It was really nice to be there and pretend to be someone else actually. Granted that pretending to be an elf is really not glamorous, it was at least really funny. Anyway, no one guessed I was an elf. Instead they insisted I was William Tell. So I think I need to buy some elf ears for the next party.
Prince William at My Doorstep - Before I left thsi morning for work, there was a very weird picture of two boys on our mat. I picked it up and was already preparing for really sarcastic jokes to tell my flatmates about them subscribing to Prince William Magazine or something. Lo and behold, the joke was on me because Annika and Jani sent me a postcard with Harry and William (Haha! Yep, I call them without the title because I can) all the way from London. Oooh! Haha! I certainly laughed when I saw that.
Thursday, October 25, 2007
In Control
If I were to write my autobiography now, I do not think I would be very happy with the end result. While it is true, than in it would be loads of drama, comedic moments and existential ramblings, I am not sure I have lived to my potential as a human being.
I want the thesis of my autobiography to be that of success. When I look back at mu life, I want to realize that I was in control of it (with God´s help of course) and not helpless by life´s fickleness. It seems so obvious but sometimes I miss the point that yes, I am in control of my life.
I did not control the genes I got, the country I was born into, the pre-disposition I was meant to have and a lot of other things BUT I am in control of realizing my happiness, my worth and my potential. No longer am I self-loathing rather, I have learned to embrace who I am and who I can be. The road was rocky but it was worth treading on it if only for the future that lies ahead of me.
I am happy that my transformation has not been quick. It was arduously slow and sometimes painfully difficult. This way though, the lessons stick longer and the change more lasting.
The process is still going on. While for the most part, I am happy, I also feel a twinge of loneliness, of not belonging anywhere every so often. BUT I still feel peaceful knowing that I will be okay and that now I am a better person.
I am in control of my life and now at 16:25 on 25 October, I will start chasing the dreams I have kept in my heart. No longer will I make life´s randomness as an excuse, rather I will make it my reason to stay focused and determined to take hold of the life I have been blessed with.
No matter how crazy or weird people may think I am, no matter how I am seen as a loser and no matter how much I am looked down on, I am determined because I am in control of my life. :)
Over and out.
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Aunt Once More
My sister gave birth to a healthy and cute baby boy yesterday.
I am an aunt once more! :) Rafael is an addition to my many nieces and nephews being born one after another. I feel old! :)
Monday, October 22, 2007
Where is My Chick Flick?
Sometimes, I think looking for "the one" is like looking for the most perfect kidney donor. Either you the other person is already dead or a bit crazy for allowing their kidneys to be given to someone. In any case, I feel it is almost impossible to find that person you are supposed to be with for the rest of your life.
It is especially hard since as I said (and you may have noticed) I am a bit weird. So finding "someone like me" is (for me) next to impossible. Of course, I can settle for someone else but since I started loving me more and more I cannot really settle for something less than what I feel is best for me.
How I wish I can write my own chick flick and make things move according to my vision. Unfortunately, since I have no way of doing magic, I need to settle with the reality that my chick flick may never happen or if it does it happens in the distant future.
In any case, I am happy and I know that´s what matters.
Friday, October 19, 2007
Manila is on Red Alert
After a horrifying bombing around 13:30 Manila time inside a crowded and hugely popular mall in the business district, Manila was declared to be on red alert.
It has been a while since I have been really at home. I was there this summer but still the reality of the country never really hit me. I remember when I was 20, there were terrorist attacks left and right. One day a mall, the next day a theater, the next a train. I was gripped with fear but had to throw my fate to luck because in the end, nothing can really save you from becoming a victim by this sort of tragedies.
Though far away and it seems (or so I hope) that none of my family or friends were victimized, I am outraged and saddened by this ruthless act of violence. No one knows why this happened, who planted the bomb or why. People can surmise it to be terrorists other more conspiracy-laden theorists can say that this may have been done so that the current president (who is currently burdened with corruption accusations) can rightfully declare martial law and thus hold power for as long as she is able.
No matter what the cause is, the effect is the same -- a nation in fear, lives taken, people forever injured and families grieving.
Manila is on red alert.
Accounts of the bombing (and they sound really disturbing) can be found here: www.quezon.ph
.Wednesday, October 17, 2007
I Like Me! Yey!
Guess what? I really like me! :)
When one bad day becomes one bad year, it is easy to feel really crappy about yourself. However, I don´t really know what happened but yesterday, while talking to a friend, I realized that I like myself BUT (as always) I just have to accept that I am basically a misfit (i.e. I don´t really fit into any category).
For example, I go out every weekend. But I do not really fit into the clubgoing stereotype because (lo and behold) I go to church every week. Obviously, I do not fit into the churchgoing stereotype either since there are just some things about the institution I do not agree with.
I am obvously not Finnish because of how I see relationships but I am not really Filipino in a sense that I need my personal space a lot more than normal.
Well, I can go on and on and on of how there is no way I fit anywhere. Actually, I have always been in a world of my own since I was a kid. Instead of being an outcast though, I always ended up being popular. I guess it is because I was unapologetic at times and just happy with myself.
Anyway, I like myself! I like my life! I may never ever fit in this world but I am satisfied that crazy people like me still survive it. :)
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
Battling / Choosing / Winning / Losing
One thing I am trying to keep in mind these days is to really learn the art of choosing my own battles. I think on any given day, we will encounter at least two situations or people which will just make our temperatures rise, our eyes to roll and our stress levels to rise. However, not in all circumstances should we choose to react. Sometimes, the best reaction is to not react.
There was a time when I felt like I was on a warpath, wanting to eliminate anything that impeded on my personal space. However, I have learned that there are battles just not worth fighting simply because it wastes your time and energy. Plus, it adds the likelihood that I will be very wrinkled in three years.
I do admit that it can be tough sometimes especially when hormones are getting in the way of much-needed grounded reason. However, wasted energy, negative feelings and harsh actions will only warrant what it deserves.
There are battles simply not meant to be fought: the rude person in the train, the annoying guy on the street, etc. It is wiser to keep your sanity for things that in the end are worth it -- just because it will help you become a better person.
Saturday, October 13, 2007
Saturday Night Fever (Literally)!
I have been having one of the best weekends I have had in ages. Granted I just came back from the hospital after experiencing some physical discomforts, I am happy that my body forced me to rest.
Anyway, there is no need to worry about my health. The doctor said my lab results were beautiful because I was normal (more than less). I just needed to rest and accept that being a woman means experiencing discomforts every now and then! I am really glad I decided to go to the hospital this time around. After two visits, I have given up on the medical system but since I knew that I would worry about my physical health the whole weekend, I decided it was wise to get a check-up. I am really glad that God blessed me with a woman doctor this time. I mean the differences in concern, attention and understanding (between men and women doctors) are so starking it made me vow that I would demand for women doctors, dentists, etc from now on.
Case in point: Last month I went to two doctors with the same symptom. All the doctors did was look at me, ask 1 question and sent me off to the lab for tests. This doctor, took time to listen to my symptoms, asked about my medical history and even acceded to my request for a blood test though it was unnecessary. I love it and I thank God for it!
Anyway, about being home for the weekend. I am actually happy I decided to skip all the parties and just spend quiet nights at home where I can pig out, enjoy a good book and try to clean my flat. I have not had this kind of weekend in almost half a year and I am so happy to just be home! I love it! I have been under a lot of stress, both real and imagined, lately that this was the thing I definitely needed to feel alive again. :)
Anyway, my energy is so strong that when I am in a bad mood, all bad things happen to me. When the mood is good, then lo and behold, blessings after blessings come. So in a way, stopping this weekend is just a sure way that I would go into the right direction. And I am certain, that I only want good things to happen to me. So universe, since you are listening, STOP and I mean STOP messing with me. :)
But anyway, moving on requires not looking back. And man, am I challenged with that. I just am very hard on myself in terms of forgetting about my sins from the past. I think it may be because of my upbringing that nothing goes unpunished or suffering is a good thing. Okay, that was the fundamental Catholic in me. But now, I would like to believe that I have progressed and actually learned that what is relevant is my personal relationship with the Dude up there. But old habits die hard (but they do die).
So as I re-energize myself this weekend, I also need to learn to continue learning something really essential in starting anew -- forgiving and loving myself. It has been a long and essentially challenging process so far. But so far, it has been worth it. When the time comes when I can say, I LOVE MYSELF UNCONDITIONALLY AND VERY HEALTHILY (not overly selfish as people can be), I can only see myself smiling joyfully and thanking God, my friends and family and you for going on the journey with me. :)
Thursday, October 11, 2007
Random Notes
1. My therapist told me that people usually figure out who they are when they are 30. I think this is a bit sad since the BIG decisions in life are usually made before that -- career, marriage, friends. Maybe this is the reason why life feels such a big question mark most of the time. By the time you figure out what makes you tick -- you are either dying, stuck with a life you were not meant to have or just plain confused.
2. Give me confidence please. I seem to have tripped and LOST most of it. :( I know that for some this is hard to believe but trust me, it is 100% true! Argh!
3. Singing makes me happy. Speaking in public has the same effect on me. Should I try to be a singing/motivational speaker? Hmm.
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
To Do List
I really have nothing to write here except that I have been quite busy lately. I have been working, doing some church stuff, meeting friends, exercising and reading.
I am not in tip top physical shape as I always seem to have some disease but anyway, I hope I get healed in time 100% completely.
I have been meeting new people as well and connecting with some of them. I have come to realize that I DO NOT NEED to be friends with all the people in this entire planet. Sometimes the best way to have friends is to make a few friends. I have been in the process of shortlisting the people whom I really want to keep into my life.
Anywho, my life is going up, up and away. :) I hope the upward trend continues in time for my birthday in December. After that, Gloria Gaynor´s I Will Survive will turn into a meaningful I HAVE SURVIVED. Ha! Try to beat that! ;)
Tuesday, October 09, 2007
Join Me....1,2,3...
Am I a slow learner? Why do I make so much mistakes? Why do I not follow my gut feel when I clearly should have so I can avoid looking stupid and useless? Why oh why?
One more time, join me as I say: ARGH!
Thursday, October 04, 2007
Things I Learned This Week
Instant cappuccino and salt mixed together do not taste good (especially if you thought it was sugar instead of salt).
Potential for love usually comes as a surprise.
Do not surf and do business transactions at the same time. You might end up calling the one on the phone by the name of a popular actress.
When taking off shoes, always have something to lean on (or something soft to fall down on.
When you know how to use it, Excel is God´s gift to businesses.
Drink green tea when stressed. It will lessen the possibility of you eating unnecessary calories i.e. chips and chockies.
Facebook is killing all bloggers´appetites to update their blogs (which sucks since I swore not to be on Facebook anytime soon...)
Music is the best way to unwind, relax and feel better again.
Cranberry juice is better than any darn anti-biotics.
